plan b

First of all, sorry for that bummer post last time...

So, looks like I'll be coming back to KC soon! Bout 2 weeks. A friend of mine that I've known since I was 4 got me on with Asphlunda (spelling?) starting next month. It's a solid job for now and just the sort of thing we need to get on our feet. I feel really lucky.

We are super excited for low rent and seeing ol' friends/family. Plus, even though we wont have big sur or the beach in our backyard, we will have plenty of affordable/good restaurants and a real music scene. We will prolly be back in town sometime around the 10th.

Not sure where this whole gig will lead us, but I'm excited to find out. We are still planning on getting a bus and fixing it up for road trips and possible moving periods. That prolly wont come to life until after Noah joins us and gets comfortable. We are looking at houses in the westport/plaza area. It's weird to see houses renting for a third of what they are here. I'll also be making a great deal more working with Chris. Plus, there is a ton of midwifes in the KC area. Way more than "progressive CA." Strange right? (I could get off on a whole tangent about my disappointments with CA, but they are solely my experiences and could mostly be my fault. I don't know, I haven't had enough time to process what has happened.) I have met some great people here, and learned some important lessons. It will be a bittersweet thing to leave. Very strange to think that I haven't seen the Kansas prairie in 5 months. I feel pathetic for saying this, but this is by far the longest I have been away from it. However, CA is such a time warp that it feels like it's been 20 yrs since i left but at the same time like it just happened. I don't know if that makes sense. I can't think of words right now. It feels like forever ago and just yesterday all at the same time... there...

I'm glad my parents will get to hold Noah the same day he is born. I'm glad I'll get to pass Noah to his great grandfather that day too. I'm glad he'll get to meet his genius uncle without having to catch a flight.

People who know my story are always asking me how I'm doing. I might have used this analogy on here before, but I feel like Alice. The rabbit hole started somewhere back over a year ago and has gotten weirder and weirder. I have moments everyday where I think to myself, "Is this really my life?" Luckily, it's in a good way.

I don't know if I have truly matured, grown or evolved as I had so hoped, but I do know a few things.

1. I have an amazing family. This has been proven to me over and over the last few years. My mom dad and brother are the only people I have kept in continual contact with over the last five months. We all have our faults, and we all misunderstand each other from time to time, but they are the ones who have shown me unconditional love. They are the ones who have always been there for me. I have learned that anytime I have a big thing on my mind, my brother is the best person to figure it out with. I literary would not be alive right now without them. That may sound dramatic, but it's completely true.

2. I won't always know the answer, but I will always be moving towards some answer whether I like it or not.

3. Kansas isn't so bad and California isn't Zion. They both have there positives and negatives.

4. Completely cliche, but when the list is looking too long, just start with the first thing. (thanks Jess)

5. There are some things in life that you just have to stand up and face.

6. Never believe I am cornered.

7. Weather that never varies has a twighlight zone effect on me.

8. Life is the constant melding and breaking of my the energy I control, and the universes. (You can substitute Will for the word "energy" and god/everything-else for "universe" if that helps)

Merry Christmas everyone.