Goodbye Westfalia

Shortly after jumping off the high dive (moving to CA) I decided I was going to live out of a van... Well, ok, I didn't just decide that. It was a culmination of the high cost of living, a low income, and a desire to be nomadic. I liked the simplistic way of life and wanted to give it a shot while I could. I had some extra money in the bank, was looking for an apartment and thought "Might as well try this now. I'm in the perfect climate, I don't have any responsibilities except for going to work, and I have figured all the angles." I originally looked around at Chevy StepVans. You can Google that if you have never heard of one. They are like what UPS uses for deliveries. I wanted one of those because it would be about the same size as a apartment out here, and I could "stealth" park. (that is park any where in town without the authorities bothering you about being a vagabond) I couldn't find a reliable enough stepvan in my price range but VW Vanagons are all over the place out here. I found one in the price range, and since it already had the stove, fridge, cabinets, and bed built in, I went for it. I had a membership lined up at the gym for showers and bath needs. I did my toiletries at work. I had no problem cooking on the range and sink. I had a comfy mattress. Best of all I had million dollar views! I would drive down Hwy 1 a bit until I found a beautiful landing spot. Then I would pull off the highway a bit, setup camp, and live like a king. Now don't get me wrong, it did have its limitations. I was definitely at the will of the gym. I always had to be smart about where I parked. If I parked in town I couldn't pop the top (allowing for me to stand up). However, it was rent free, and I was a nomad. I moved into it and lived free range for about four days, and then Noah arrived. :) Well didn't really arrive yet, but his presence was discovered. That was late august.

Talk about change of focus. By the next day I was getting ready to sell the van. I was on a mission to find a place big enough for Jess and I. We signed up for food stamps, medi-cal, and bought some prenatal vitamins. I lived in the van for a few more weeks until I found an apartment in a nice area of Monterey.

I sold the van today. It's funny, the van represented this dream I have had for the last few years. This dream of being a nomadic explorer. Living where I wanted. Skimming by under the radar. Living on the bare minimum. I would think I would be bummed out about getting rid of it, but I'm not. There is still little remnants of that dream lingering about in my plans, but I don't know if the plan will be that radical again anytime soon. Jess and I both like to move every 2 or 3 years. We both would even like to move overseas.

No, I really don't miss the van idea at all. The excitement of being a father grows more and more everyday. Jess and I grow more and more every day. I have so many things to be excited about each day I walk in the door. Granted, some moments are tough. Some moments I doubt myself. I wonder if I am making the right decisions with my career and our living situation. I get scared I won't be a good father. I worry I'll screw things up with Jess. But then a little boy and his father come through my line at work and I get so excited again. Or, I get another pat on the back and told that I'm going to be moving up in no time. Or, Jess and I tackle a problem as a team.

Summary: Life is tough right now. We are scrapping by in the hopes that Trader Joe's will take me somewhere. I remind myself that so many people have done so many tougher things. Jess helps keep my spirits up on my downer days and I would like to think I do the same on hers. I haven't really had any friends out here yet except for a couple of really good hearted co-workers. Even though I am 2k miles from my family I feel closer to them than ever. I will never forget my brother saying "You're one of the most decent people I know, I can't think of anyone that will make a better parent then you." I'll never forget my Mom freaking out and almost running off the road when I told her over the phone that it was a boy. I will never forget my dad's "yaht" when I asked him if was getting excited to be a grandfather. Or best of all, grandpa saying "Just make sure you name him something I can pronounce."